Jerry-atric Sloan: It's Ramble Time!

- I would start off by apologizing for the title, but I hope that's implied by now.
- Congratulations Jerry Sloan! You celebrated your 20th season coaching the Utah Jazz on Tuesday. Sloan was hired to coach on December 9, 1988 and since then, has only had one losing season with the Jazz. No one currently in major pro sports has been coaching in the same place as long as the 65 year old. Congrats Jerry!
- In much more disappointing and possibly apocalyptic news (I know, nice segue), the Golden State Warriors have named Ronnie Turiaf captain of their team! Ronnie joins Stephen Jackson and Andris Biedrins in leading the team. Why shouldn't a man who plays 20 minutes a game and averages 3.7 points and 2.8 rebounds per game be captain?
- Earlier this week, Derrick Rose cut his arm with a knife and required 10 stitches. How did this happen? Apparently Rose was carving an apple in bed, stood up to get a bottle of water, forgot the knife was there, and sat back down. Really Derrick, thats the best you could do? Rose referred to it as a "silly accident", and had to miss practice on Monday.
- The NBA's latest crybaby, Antonio McDyess, used the negotiation tactics of a five year old and got his way on Tuesday, as the Pistons resigned him after he refused to play for the Nuggets. His refusal to play was allegedly because he and Kenyon Martin got in a "I know you are but what am I" shouting match, and Anthony Carter relentlessly referred to him as "poopypants".
- Speaking of crybabies (thats segue for you), Alonzo Mourning is still looking to return to the Miami Heat, but is one month away from deciding whether to attempt a comeback from major knee surgery. Although Mourning is 38, the scary thing is he would still probably be an effective defensive centre, despite consistently being one of the worst players in the league in terms of kidneys/minutes played.
- In the first All-Star ballot returns, the results were largely unsurprising. But Yi Jianlian (he of the sparkling 11 points, 6 boards and 1 assist per game) is 3rd in voting for forwards in the Eastern Conference, ahead of the 4th place Chris Bosh by over 82,000 votes! This is simply unfathomable. It is time to do moral justice, basketball enthusiasts. Go to NBA.com and vote your hearts out!